Moist Meter | Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

  • Published: 10 August 2019
  • Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (2019 Horror / Mystery / Thriller Movie) starring Zoe Margaret Colletti, Michael Garza and directed by André Øvredal as reviewed by Charlie and Jackson.

    The Moist Meter is an experimental measurement system that you can use to safely gauge just how moist a video game or movie is going to be before playing it or viewing it. Avoid the dry products and only use the wettest.

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Comments • 1 437

  • Julian Jenkins
    Julian Jenkins  1 days back

    “There’s no bad words” He forgets that they say w__back multiple times

    • OtterGod
      OtterGod  2 days back

      I would always see this book at the bookfair, but I could never bring myself to read it, just the cover art fucking terrified me. Now though, yea it's definitely succeeds at being scary, but it's not soul striking and utterly terrifying like it was when I was a kid, and again, I only ever looked at the cover art and such.

      • bill muszynski
        bill muszynski  3 days back

        Review good boys

        • Honey Bee Talks
          Honey Bee Talks  3 days back

          I love how you subvert common phrases with profanity omfg

          • Boi Blue
            Boi Blue  3 days back

            Wow this is the hardest I’ve disagreed with you. I thought this movie sucked really fuckin sucked not even good for kids. My friends and I were laughing at how bad it was. “We’re not reading the book, the book is reading us” was the gayest line I’ve ever heard

            • Gaunter O'Dimm
              Gaunter O'Dimm  4 days back

              I somehow stumbled into watching A Serbian Film and I've never been same since that cursed day...Not to mention that I legit don't have the balls to consume anything horror related other than some classic books.

              • Dominic
                Dominic  4 days back

                The one illustration that fucked me up as a kid was The Bride that shit gave me nightmares

                • Robert Young
                  Robert Young  5 days back

                  Charlie - “There is no blood”

                  Movie - * the whole diary is written in blood *

                  • Hamsterboi 702
                    Hamsterboi 702  5 days back

                    I just saw this movie with me and my bf and were 16 and it scared the shit out of me and him, sence i grow up with the books it really hit hard for me.

                    • shimmysham123
                      shimmysham123  6 days back

                      This movie was honest to god, dog shit

                      • Out Above
                        Out Above  7 days back

                        I thought it was good until it went full sequel bait at the end. Plus I think some dialogue was bad. If it had a formal conclusion. I would've given it a 7 or even an 8. I thinking a 6 for me (which to me means slightly above average)

                        • Super Derpy Doge
                          Super Derpy Doge  7 days back

                          This movie was a shitty IT

                          • Jar Of Jelli
                            Jar Of Jelli  7 days back

                            Okay but Me-Tie-Doughty-Walker was one of my favourite stories and the fact that that was the only one that they BARELY kept accurate made me honestly pissed. I know that makes me one of the people that’s like “ITS DIFFERENT THEREFORE ITS BAD” but I was still upset ;-;

                            • Hevy
                              Hevy  1 weeks back

                              “There’s no bad words” Dude they drop “shit” and “douchebag” all the time in that movie what are you talking about??

                              • Deku !
                                Deku !  1 weeks back

                                I agree with the accidental horrific shit point.
                                I watched boku no picu when i was ten because my dumbass thought it was an anime

                                • SoupPacket
                                  SoupPacket  1 weeks back

                                  Not gonna lie I saw this today and the Harold scene literally made me sick

                                  • Pachinko
                                    Pachinko  1 weeks back

                                    oh man that book was scary

                                    • Freelance Autist
                                      Freelance Autist  1 weeks back

                                      I was actually impressed with how faithful the monster design was to some of the illustration in the books. As well as some of the passing references to other small stories from the books that didn't get full on monsters/scenes like Harold.

                                      • Incognito
                                        Incognito  1 weeks back

                                        The chapter with the fucking sausage guy gave fifth grade me nightmares for a week

                                        • apcsox
                                          apcsox  1 weeks back

                                          As a 33 year old who grew up reading these books and had nightmares from them, I of course was apprehensive to see this. What we have is an adaptation that uses some of the stories but tied them into a narrative that combined the otherwise unrelated stories. It was well done. Yes, some of them CGI was wonky, but they also did a good job with the practical effects and the overall atmosphere. The key thing that I disliked was the rating. I mean, the people who really wanted to watch this are all adults now since we grew up with this book series. This movie they had to reel back to a PG13 to be able to introduce younger people to it, you know, for us to introduce our kids to the shit we read in our childhood. I wish, wish, they tailored this to an R rating, because then our childhood nightmares could actually come to fruition on screen.

                                          • Dino Dino
                                            Dino Dino  1 weeks back

                                            There is no bad words...

                                            “SHIT MY BANANA”

                                            • Peacockkaè
                                              Peacockkaè  1 weeks back

                                              I mean they emphasized the fact Tommy and the cop said “Shit” loud and clear soooo. I mean it’s not a fuck but still

                                              • Riqqed x Aqart
                                                Riqqed x Aqart  1 weeks back

                                                the dead old lady with the nickels over her eyes

                                                • EndermanPierce Or Void Soul

                                                  I swear to god pale lady was fucking terrifying for me

                                                  • sabitsuki
                                                    sabitsuki  1 weeks back

                                                    you don't readthe book the bookreadsyou

                                                    • Chan Schriver
                                                      Chan Schriver  1 weeks back

                                                      I'm so happy to hear that it's not a complete shit-fest like I expected

                                                      • Tooth Pasta
                                                        Tooth Pasta  1 weeks back

                                                        I personally felt as if the movie was slightly above mediocre. The monsters themselves were pretty creepy but the last cgi one was meh. I felt like August was pretty underdeveloped so his death wasn't very effective. It didn't seem like the other characters cared much either with just one scene of them crying and it's like they moved on pretty quickly. Also I noticed a mistake during the movie I think. They mentioned that the book wrote itself at night but it started writing itself during the day. Like there was sunlight beaming through the shuttered window the exact time the book was writing! Nothing big just felt like it was a detail pretty easy to fix. The scene directly after that one was where that girl had a pimple and spider's came out of it. She didn't die from it, which I found really surprising. I thought Sarah's goal was to kill everyone but that one chick just went to an asylum? I felt like there was going to be an explanation but there wasn't. Maybe there was a part of the story or detail I didn't notice but yeah just something I personally felt was kind of weird. A nitpick, but I didn't really like how they showed Sarah's face? I thought they had a good thing going by not showing it and it left a sense of mystery. But when the movie revealed how she looked like I wasn't shocked or surprised. It didn't complete the story in any way I just felt as if it was kind of underwhelming. Also, some of the kids heard the stories when they were younger and others didn't? Idk but I felt like that was kind of strange and I wasn't sure if the movie was trying to go for a theme and failed or what. Not a big deal just thought it was kind of confusing. And lastly the writing of the story was pretty strange. I don't know how teenagers talked back then, but as a teenager myself I felt as if the way the characters spoke was sort of cringy. Like in one of the scenes a character referred to his penis as his banana and his sister called him a butt pimple? I didn't understand why the insults in the movie were so weird since it's something I never heard from anyone before. My friend was watching the movie with me and we both agreed it was a weird choice of dialogue. But other than that the movie itself was mostly just kind of.. Charming? It was alright honestly I had fun watching it but that was just kind of my unwanted opinion on it

                                                        • A Filthy Nobleman
                                                          A Filthy Nobleman  1 weeks back

                                                          this reminds me of grizzly tales for gruesome kids

                                                          • Boolos Boi
                                                            Boolos Boi  1 weeks back

                                                            Every kid feelin' like a Fortnite legend until the "Fago" gets called put from the wind...

                                                            • BonsBuns
                                                              BonsBuns  1 weeks back

                                                              “No bad words” yea they did cuss a lot though tbh especially at the beginning

                                                              • The Supreme Thunder Dragon

                                                                Hm, 80% huh. And I like me some horror. Why not, I’ll go see it tomorrow. :D

                                                                • Zach Stefanakis
                                                                  Zach Stefanakis  1 weeks back

                                                                  Sorry Charlie but you look like a 26 year-old

                                                                  • MyBestInterest
                                                                    MyBestInterest  1 weeks back

                                                                    I honestly felt like the child actors weren't that great here, and I know most child actors aren't great, but you look at recent movies like It and see that it is possible. Plus I hate forced romances, it was clear they were pushing for it, but not only did the actors not really have a great chemistry, the implications made me uncomfortable. The female girl in this movie appears to be around age 15, but the love interest is a draft dodger, implying he's already graduated high school. Are we just gonna let that one slide?

                                                                    • Hitlers missing testicle

                                                                      No charlie fuck off you little cuck this movie is gay bro. Wtf are you talking about.

                                                                      • Hitlers missing testicle

                                                                        This movie is sucks

                                                                        • dook
                                                                          dook  1 weeks back

                                                                          That was the most terrifying pg 13 movie I’ve ever seen

                                                                          • Purple Cow
                                                                            Purple Cow  1 weeks back

                                                                            Review "The Man Who Killed Hitler Then Bigfoot" on moist meter

                                                                            • Matt Woodward
                                                                              Matt Woodward  1 weeks back

                                                                              So are you like... a philion clone? You might have more subs but he does this act way better than you.

                                                                              • Danny Herrera
                                                                                Danny Herrera  1 weeks back

                                                                                I would imagine it would be fun to watch a movie with u

                                                                                • Logan Hitch
                                                                                  Logan Hitch  1 weeks back

                                                                                  Movie fucking sucks, fucking shill

                                                                                  • Theatre squad 2003
                                                                                    Theatre squad 2003  1 weeks back

                                                                                    I just saw it today!!
                                                                                    Man, I was so hyped to see it and it didn’t fail to live up to that hype.
                                                                                    It was just a fun ghost story. Even my dad loves it!!

                                                                                    • Nifty
                                                                                      Nifty  1 weeks back

                                                                                      This movie was so garbage

                                                                                      • HowDoYouUseThe3Seashells?

                                                                                        Scary meter Moist stories to tell in the dark

                                                                                        • Tiller Tomas
                                                                                          Tiller Tomas  1 weeks back

                                                                                          im 12 can confirm was scary very nostalgic as well as from 3- present day satanic follower of the books

                                                                                          • Yz 1
                                                                                            Yz 1  1 weeks back

                                                                                            So hey can we have like
                                                                                            A list at the end that displays for maybe 10sec of where all the movies you have reviewed thus far can be posted in the order of the score given of course

                                                                                            • Anthony Security
                                                                                              Anthony Security  1 weeks back

                                                                                              Long coconut locks

                                                                                              • FineViewsYT
                                                                                                FineViewsYT  1 weeks back

                                                                                                Courage the cowardly dog is fuckin scary
                                                                                                Idk anyone who dosent agree with that

                                                                                                • Shinøbu
                                                                                                  Shinøbu  1 weeks back

                                                                                                  Those books were my fucking childhood, I had so many nightmares about the monsters in so many of the stories, and I don't regret any of it. That shit built me. Now that I know you don't hate it, I guess I've gotta go see the movie soon!